Invincible

Okay, so i suppose with the end of the intern shadowing exams yesterday I am somewhat officially done with med school. For a while after that realization, i felt like i was walking on clouds - lightheaded and surreal. I felt sort of invincible, like the whole world was within my grasps. The thing about feeling temporarily invincible is that in that short space of time when nothing can touch you, you might do something totally random and in retrospect probably a little stupid.

Which was exactly what i did. And yes, looking back now i feel very very VERY stupid.

You see, I contacted my old crush. It's been roughly 2 years since i talked to him last, and I'm proud to say that in that 2 years, i have not thought of him, once! (*little harmless white lie*). But there i was, feeling invincible, on top of the world, saying hi out of the blue. I told him i was bored and asked him (rather shamelessly i might add) to indulge me in conversation for a few hours, which surprisingly he did.

So we talked for a bit, trying to make up for lost time, getting re-acquainted with each other. I found it funny and a little unnerving how easily I could talk to this guy, the same guy who at one point could make me tongue-tied just by walking past me along the corridor. And after a while of pointless small talk, he suddenly asked if i would be in town *insert week* cos he'll be *insert name of place* then for *insert some important work thing*. Of course he could have meant anything by that rather ambiguous question. But i like to think it was a subtle invitation to meet up, perhaps even a date? (please don't burst my bubble even if you think otherwise!).

"Hmmm yeah, i think i'll be around," I tried to sound nonchalant. But of course, I was also feeling drunkenly invincible, feeling I was able to do anything without consequence, so I shamelessly asked him for his number, you know... just in case.

There was an agonizingly long pause at his end.

"Oh no, he's gonna question my intentions," was my first thought. "He's gonna think I'm a total flirt," was my second. "Just kill me and get this over with" was my last thought before he slowly recited some numbers.

"That's the company's number," he adds. (COMPANY? WHAT....?! are u kidding me?)

But then he continued with a tinge of laughter, "And here's my number if you need someone to talk to whenever u're bored - 012xxxxXXX." (Hahaha, you just gave me the literal equivalent of butterflies in my stomach, mister!)

And then because i didn't want to spoil the moment by saying something stupid in my giddiness, i gave him a lame excuse about having to pack my things, told him I'd talk to him again soon, and took my leave (almost a bit too hurriedly).

That was a few hours ago.

I'm no longer invincible now. I've come back down to earth and i feel like a complete idiot for a whole number of reasons. #1: I managed to score his number, but i doubt I'll ever have the nerve to call him now that reality is in the picture. #2: I kinda agreed to a date but i doubt I'd ever have the guts to go. I'm gonna come up with another lame excuse to bail, I'm sure of it!

So really, in short, that whole conversation should never have happened.

Because let's face it, what's the point anyway?