Things unsaid.

Explosion of words.

Triggered by raging emotions.

Sometimes it's best to keep your silence.

And let your actions do all the talking.


-------------------------
(This is not a poem. This is me in twitter mode)

Psychiatry...

......is not a walk in the park.

It's actually a lot of work. And i don't really mean the usual memorize everything from the textbook kind. This is a different sort of hard work.

First, you have to learn to be sensitive towards the patient's problems, however crazy they may seem to you. Then, you have to show empathy, act concerned even when you're not. And finally you have to be sensible when interviewing, asking the right questions at the right time with the right tone of voice and the right facial expression.

To me, it's like being an arts student in a drama class instead of an aspiring doctor in a mock consultation. Not an easy task when you haven't got the proper training. But fear not my fellow doctors-to-be~~ For i have prepared a somewhat useful guide (based on my own experiences) for when you are in that crucial moment when taking a psychiatric history from a patient.

1. A patient who comes into hospital after an attempted suicide:

You can start off the interview with the normal introduction. Next you ask him why he's in hospital. When he tells you that he had tried hanging himself in the garage 2 days ago, the next thing not to ask him is:

"And did you by any chance succeed in your attempt?"

(d'oh???)

2. A manic patient

Always have a firm grip of your mobile. Manic patients will steal your phone if you ever let it out of sight. Oh, and don't wear rings, they'll pester you about marriage and engagements and stuff.

3. A patient who is psychotic

If her name is Edel, by all means just keep your distance. She can be awfully aggressive, and she spits in your face when she talks.

4. Autistic kids

Don't even bother. They don't realize you exist.

This list is not exhaustive. I've got a few other useful tips from my time in the psychiatry department but I won't scare you off by writing them down. Anyway, happy psycho-ing~~

p/s: I've added word verification for commenting. The spams were starting to get annoying.

How to be miserable

A 10 step guide on how to be miserable i found hanging on the wall of the Psychiatric Day Hospital i went to today.

1. Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them!
2. Lose your perspective and keep it lost. Never put first things first.
3. Get yourself a good worry - one which you can do nothing about.
4. Be a perfectionist - condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection. (This one totally hits home. @__@ Kya~)
5. Be right, be always right, be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness. (LOL, this kinda reminds me of someone)
6. Do not trust people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest.
7. Be suspicious. Insist that others have hidden motives. 
8. Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery (HAHA! Like instant noodles.)
9. Take personally everything that happens to you.
10. Don't give yourself wholeheartedly to anyone or anything.

Now then, that oughta do it! =P

As special as you are.

Thomas is 4. He will be 5 in April. Recently i noticed that he gets upset over small things. I tried to sweep the fireplace. "No, only Daddy can do that". When i try hovering. "Only Daddy can do that." When i go to get the post he cries " only Daddy can do that." Poor Daddy!! Thomas is used to his routine, so anything out of the ordinary will cause him to break apart.

You see, Thomas isn't like other kids. He is special. He lives in a world I can't reach, and I live in a world he can't understand. I hug him and kiss him and love him everyday, every single minute, every ticking second. And even when i know he loves me too, he never kisses me or hugs me back.

--------------------------------

This was something expressed by a mother of a little autistic boy i saw today (albeit a little less dramatically that what i have written down). Thomas, or Tom as his well-trained teachers call him, is a little ray of sunshine with his honey blonde hair and big blue eyes. Physically, he is the perfect little boy. But even from the onset, you could already sense there was something different about him.

He avoids eye contact. He speaks only when prompted, and even then never more than a few simple words. But the thing that struck me most was that in the presence of a big crowd of medical students in his classroom - complete strangers to him - he went about his activities without even the slightest indication that he notices we were there. Such is the lack of social interaction in autism!

For someone totally unrelated to him like me, this was nothing major. The kid ignores me. He does not acknowledge my presence. To him I'm merely another innate object, like another brick on a brick wall. But so what? My female ego gets a little bruised, but I'll get over it.

However, it's a different situation for the mother. I can't even begin to imagine what she must feel, not being acknowledged by her own flesh and blood.

There he was, her little bundle of joy - playing by himself, not the tiniest bit interested that she has come to pick him up from school. Does he love her as much as she loves him? Even when she believes he does, i'm pretty sure deep down in her heart she sometimes still wonders. It's only natural, right? As Thomas isn't capable of expressing love the way we do. He does not grasp the concept of human emotions like you and I. And thus we may find it hard to communicate with him, or break through his almost stoic exterior.

But in the words of Thomas' mother: "I am his voice. And he is my heart."

Point is, a mother will love her child no matter.

So anyway, I hope it's not too late to express appreciation to my own Mother.

"Mommy, thank you for giving birth to me 24 years ago today. Thank you for all your love. Thank you for all that you've given me. Thank you. I love you (oh yeah, Abah too!). Hugs and kisses. Muah~"

p/s: Yes, it's my birthday today. A big, heartfelt thank you to everyone for all the birthday cards I didn't get. I'm sure they got lost somewhere in the mail. Don't worry, this happens every year. @__@

the march is on

Nothing beats permanent than words written in black and white.

I remember sifting through my collection of well-kept knick knacks last summer and finding lovely things written by people i would have otherwise forgotten about at this stage.

An apology letter. Little scraps of paper with scribbled conversations between friends during a droning history class. Goodluck notes. Birthday wishes. Parting words of goodbyes. Love letters from secret admirers.....

Hahahaha.

Okay okay, wipe that smirk off your face! I admit that last bit about secret admirers is somewhat a lie. I don't have any love letters in my vast collection of written paraphernalia. For some reason i didn't feel the need to hang on to such things way back when i had an 'almost' steady supply of them. Now that i don't get those monkey love letters no more, i kinda regret chunking the ones i did into the waste basket so callously. *Sigh~*

Anyway, that said, my birthday is on the 12th. So feel free to send me a card, a letter, or perhaps a post on your blog (like this lovely one i got last year --> from my dear friend Dila)? ^___^

It'll give someone (me!) immense happiness~~~~~ and it won't take much of your time, energy or money. What better deal than that, eh?

So go on, take pen to paper and start writing, people!

p/s: If you're reading this, i expect a card from you. *remember the 12th~~~~* =P

Trickcyclist

"Izyan, we're going really slow."

I let his statement hang in the air - partly because i wasn't sure how to reply and partly because I got the weird feeling that he was blaming me for something. Could he possibly be hinting that my presence there was a nuisance? Or was he just making small talk, having exhausted the topic of weather?

My mom once told me that i have a bad habit of psychoanalyzing the things that people say and worry about them unnecessarily. This was one of those psychoanalyzing moments.

"Izyan, if you wanna go, you can." He says this with his back towards me so i couldn't read his facial expression, not that I'm any good at picking up social cues even if i could.

Does he really want me to go, or is he just testing to see if i'm a diligent enough student by his standards? I weighed the options and decided to go the 'diligent student' route.

"That's alright," i tell him. "I'll just sit here quietly while you work. I'll try my best not to disturb you." I had every intention to sound enthusiastic, but even to my own ears I sounded desperately bored.

"I'm serious," he continued. "I don't want you to feel like you have to be here. So you can go if you feel like it. I won't be offended."

It was rather obvious (at least to me) from the way he was pushing me to go, that he was the one that didn't want me there. And without expecting my pride and ego to be bruised any further, i decided it was probably best that i leave without making a scene.

"Hmmm.. Okie dokie," i said with a sigh, as i gathered my stuff.

He laughed then. Turned around. "Okie dokie?? My my my, you just can't wait to get out of here, huh?"

Say what? I mean, I know I'm a little weak at reading people's expressions, but somehow I think i was missing something there. I honestly didn't get what the joke was.

First he insisted i should go, then he tells me I'm too eager to leave?

"Err... should i stay till 5 then?" I asked seriously, glancing at my watch - 4.45pm.

"Hmmm okay, one more patient and then you can call it a day. How's that?"

"Alright." I said, more than a little confused.

--------------------------------

In the end, he made it seem like i was the one begging to go. Devious, devious man that doctor was. I bet he always gets what he wants using devious means like that to make himself look cool.

Pft!