A day of goodbyes =(

1. Last microbiology practical.

Ah, I'm gonna miss that oh-so-perfect view of Mike's back~
And the blood agar plate, of cos.
And the microscope.

And Mike's back...

2. Tata my favorite lecturer.

Today, we officially had our final bacte lecture from Prof Cormican (the last one I'll ever be getting here in NUIG). Some may woot with glee and some may feel relieved that it's finally over. I, however, feel sad~

Prof Cormican is a great teacher. It was being under his one year of 'exciting' tutelage that turned me into the cynical nerd i am today. Oh yes, he takes pleasure in scaring us silly with those randomly tough questions he asks, and he loves belittling our intelligence with that of his own.

Yet, i find myself oddly attracted to his polished combination of ego, wittiness, and sarcasm. I'm not exaggerating when i say that his is the only lecture you won't find me dozing off (and that says a lot considering how i doze off at every opportunity i get).

When i graduate 3 years from now (insyaAllah), i hope he'd still be around to bully us in the hospital and tell us (the newly-recruited hospital workforce) that we turned out as lousy as he'd predicted (quote: "what in the world did they teach all of you in med school?").

On that very fine day, life would be perfect~

3. My parents~

They're leaving for Hajj this very minute; probably already on their way to board that plane which will take them far far away from me~.

I'm happy tho, that they're finally able to do this, and i pray that they'll be safe and well. But still, 2 months is a long time. I'm gonna miss being able to call them at odd hours just cos i have no one else to bother. I'm gonna miss having that sympathetic someone who'll listened to me rant about my day and not judge me for it.

Oh well~

Mom, Abah: Bon Voyage, i pray you'll have you a safe journey to Mecca and back and may you attain Haji Mabrur.

To Ridzwan @ Balong:
Exams are looming so i'm in a state of suspended frenzy right now. I'm afraid sketches would just have to wait. Here, how about this sketch of Yuna of FFX? (dunno if you've seen it). Drew it back in 1st year by request of a friend. I didn't use any proper sketching tools (or scanner), so you'd have to excuse the A4 paper and shaky camera picture. Anyway, since this was my very first attempt at sketching, nothing can beat its sentimental value. If you feel the need to comment on it, try being nice alright?

Blurry picture #1

Extra-blurry picture #2

Not-so-blurry pic #3

What's your poison?

So I've made up my mind.
I've decided not to make this blog private after all. I don't want to disappoint my legion of loyal readers and their cries for me to stay put. Rejoice people, for i will be here to amuse you still for many full moons to come~

Hahahaha.. okay, okay.. that's a lie.

Truth is, I like the feeling of people acknowledging what i write and commenting on it. Somehow it gives me a (false) sense of accomplishment (plus it feeds my ballooning ego). Making this blog private means letting go of those small instant gratifications i get in my decidedly dull life. Being both PS3-less and tv-less, i guess i'm not ready to let go just yet. And thus, the not-so-glamorous truth behind my decision is revealed~

But anyway, to sate my itching need of writing highly sensitive issues and very personal stuff that aren't meant to be read by just any Tom, Dick, or Harry who stumbles across my blog googling for "impeach obama" or "DBSK rankings" (the real reason i considered turning this blog private in the first place), I've decided to make a whole new blog, all for myself. And guess what? New blog means I can personally hand-pick those special people i'd love having over to dance with my secret thoughts. Weeeee~ exciting, no?

Yes, yes... i know what ye'r thinking and well, i have the same doubts too. As it stands right now, i can barely make time for this one blog, so how am i ever gonna manage two, eh? (or three if you count "Carbry Full House").

Sadly, i don't have the answer to that burning question..
And so, we'll just have to see.

I, however, have a tingling suspicion that by New Year's (and this is just a prediction), my blogging mania would be put on an indefinite hiatus. I'd be über busy next semester once i start my hospital attachments. Not to mention my commitments with MYS and their planned events. And ahhh, the inter-varsity basketball tournament in mid January. Yeap, the one Kak Farah bribed me into joining (she gave me a whole chocolate bar flown all the way from Germany.. how could i say no??). She even wrote in her blog about making me the secret weapon. [Yeah right, K. Farah... secret weapon konon. "poised and ever ready at the goal post" sounds more like a rebound girl to me. Bet you didn't think I read your blog, huh K. Farah?] =P

hahaha.. I lost myself there for a moment

Ehem.. my point is, come January I think i may find it rather difficult to indulge in little pleasures like writing. Still, if i know myself well enough, i'm sure busy-ness can't keep me away for long. ^__^

Writing is my poison~
[What's urs?]

Hide and seek.

Of all the people i rather not meet, these 3 tops my current list:

1. My teenage-crush (yes Balong, he's the same tall, dark, handsome guy you keep teasing me about)
2. An annoying homosexual (epidemiologically correct term: MSM)
3. My archrival from high school (of whom i used to have a very complex love-hate relationship).

But just as fate would have it, all 3 of them have expressed plans on coming to Ireland this winter break....

.....and seeing me.

Sh*t!!! [note the triple exclamation mark]

Aissh, my life is complicated enough as it is. (=___=)
I can probably deal with just one of them on the list.. (i hope).
But all 3?? heck no!

So I'm lying low at the moment.
I've set my YM on invi mode, my handphone on airplane mode, my email on i-don't-care mode.

Please of please don't let them find a way to contact me.

The beauty of subjectivity~

I'm not creative. That i've figured out since I was little; back when my bro's artwork made me green with envy; way back when i tried persistently but failed with amazing consistency to emulate his artistic flair (i still can't). And knowing this, I've more than once tried to dabble in the dark arts as a way of testing the water and somehow (how horribly inapt i am) every time i do, a small number of people seem to like my 'masterpieces' (*beams* =^__^=).

Just yesterday, Aine OC told me I've got hidden talent, pointing to the doodlings in my notebook. hahaha. 'This' i told her 'is a bad sign that i'm not concentrating in class'. Even if she had been half joking when she said it, i still find myself a little too happy from the 'compliment'.

And recently, Fadh asked for another drawing. I sent her one (by request of cos) all the way to Melbourne, Australia just a couple of months ago. It wasn't a particularly good sketch, but the fact that she's now requesting another probably means I'm not half bad, huh? (*grins)

Okie dokie, before i say anything I'd regret in the future and before my bro has a chance to tell me how horrible my so-called drawings are (he draws rather beautifully, i hate to admit), let's just all take a moment to remind ourselves how art is subjective in nature~~~ Alright, now try committing that thought to memory... lalalala~ Done? Good!

So with that in mind, whatever sketching i upload after this (even if they look awful to you), please try keeping your thoughts to yourself, ne? I'm not very good at handling critiques. hehehe.

Again, just a reminder: Art is subjective, and it's this element of subjectivity that makes it beautiful =P

p/s: I'm contemplating making this blog private. Any thoughts on that?

Money isn't everything.

Only when the last tree is cut;
Only when the last river is polluted;
Only when the last fish is caught;
Only then will they realize that you can't eat money.
-Cree tribe (circa 1860)-

Whenever people (especially those makciks and pakciks back home in Malaysia) realize that I'm a med student who is on her merry way to becoming a doctor, they'd gush all over me saying stuff like how clever i am, how noble of me to choose a career that in essence will help people, how beautiful and sweet i am (okay, they didn't say that last part, but i wish they would~) etc etc. I'd smile (like i always do when in the presence of elders whom i secretly want to smack some sense into), say thank you and pray that they'll just shut up already.

Hmmm.. that may seem a lil too harsh. But that's how i felt.
Nevertheless, I can't really blame people for stereotyping doctors (or doctors-to-be) as angels who'd fallen from heaven. I can't really yell at them to stop being so naive and start realizing that the world is made up of money-crazed individualistic people whose sole purpose in life is to live in financial bliss.

And so, I let them do all the gushing they want and during the process, i insidiously drown in guilt. Why guilt, u ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, my motivation to becoming a doctor was anything but noble or selfless. In fact, it was a very selfish decision on my part. I just wanted the job security and to a lesser extend, the added bonuses and perks of holding a job that's revered by people who don't know better. My choice had nothing to do with helping others, nor has it anything to do with the challenge of changing the world or anything idealistic like that. I simply wanted stability - both financially and socially.

But people change. I changed.

Where i used to live a life of sheltered innocence (mostly by the way i was raised), I'm now beginning to get a taste what real life is. I'm starting to see the world in a different light, and it's not all sweet and cherry. It's full of suffering, laden with conflicts, filled with stuff i used to hear about in the news without much thought because somehow i couldn't relate to it. That's what living in a safe, warm cocoon does to you. It makes you oblivious to the suffering of others; it makes you ignorant and blinded by what you have and what you own. But that's no longer true for me. I admit, i still want all the things i wanted before but now, i also want more.

I want to be able to help.

Because believe it or not, everything that's happening in the world affects us in some way or another! The malnourished children of Africa, the internally displaced people of Nepal and Myanmar, people affected by natural disasters or conflicts, those living in extreme poverty without basic necessities most of us take for granted like clean water and shelter. There will always be people who need our help, so we have a duty to help them. We have to do something, however small.

With this revelation, i'm thankful i chose a life in medicine (even if my initial decision to embark on this journey was in no way inspiring). I'm thankful that by choosing to become a doctor, i can someday, somehow, use my knowledge for the greater good (however cliché that may sound). And i hope to achieve this without falling into the trap of being too idealistic or too naive.

I know i can't change the world in a day; And i know life isn't always fair and square; And i know i can't just up and leave to save those poor souls in war-torn countries and expect everything to go the way i want it. In the end, i know probably won't make much difference anyway, but that doesn't mean i shouldn't at least try. It's those little things we do in life that will add up to something big. So if everyone plays their part, i'm positive we'll get there. Someday. And hopefully sooner rather than later. That's what i believe~

++When we heal the world, we heal ourselves++

A special thanks to DOD for being so inspirational!
You've changed my life. Thank you.

And yes Emy, i almost cried. ALMOST!! but didn't!!
(please don't start weird rumours)

Teah, happy birthday.
Hope you like the gift.

Mom, get well soon!
Love you, MUAH!

Most desired....

Warning: Read only if you have nothing better to do.

There's this application in facebook that allows people to compare you with their friends. I thought it'll be fun to see what people think of me relative to others so i added this self-indulging application, played around with it a bit, got bored, left it to its own devices for quite sometime and eventually forgot all about it (very typical of me)... anyway, recently i got this email from facebook:

Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS:

most generous
most outgoing
most desired for marriage

WEAKNESSES:

best friend
most absentee

hehehe... Okay, i can understand "most outgoing" and to some extent "most generous", but "most desired for marriage"??? LoL... i'm blushing already.

No wonder that pakcik friend of yours was adamant on matchmaking me with his (short) son, ne Abah? Seems like i'm "most desired for marriage". =P

Shucks, people actually think i'd make a good wife. **blush blush** [Desired for marriage = make a good wife????] You'd probably say it's not the same thing. But i (the person voted "most desired for marriage") will beg to differ! You're only ever desired for marriage if people think you'd make a good wife/husband.

I'm shameless, i know (i think we've established that fact). =P

Alrighty, brace urself! Seriously, hold on to a table or something! Ready??

I'm "most desired for marriage".

hehe.. okay, it's safe to let go now. A friend once told me that if i say something 40 times it becomes a doa.. ameen~ (that's why i'm typing "most desired for marriage" in excess) If 4 people at most reads this, then well, who knows... ?? (You see Haz anonymous friend, i do take your suggestions seriously, however weird and shameless they require me to be)

Ehem, I'm "most desired for marriage" (just for good measure *wink*)

Before you think i'm excessively gloating, i guess i should point out the unreliability of this application. (and you actually thought i'd be fooled by an online game like this, didn't ya?... i'm not so gullible laa!!). For starters, it works on the basis of relativity. Which basically means that since i have little kiddies like my 12- year old sister in my friends' list, it's only natural that i'm more desired for marriage than her set of friends (partly because unlike most of them, i know how to work the rice cooker and partly cos i look old enough to have little kiddies of my own anyway).

Then, there's the question of who is on the thing in the first place. If say, all my guy friends are playing it, but none of my girl buddies, then assuming that all my guy friends have normal sexual orientation and i'm the only girl on their list of choices, then no doubt the coveted "desired for marriage" (have i reached 40 yet?) title wud go to me, simply out of last resort. Not a very flattering thought, i have to admit. But well, that's life for you.

That said, i still think it's nice being voted "most desired for marriage"~ (i'm pretty sure i've reached 40 times now) =^__^=

++ Mr Shikamaru (my laptop) has finally decided to wake up from his comatose state and start working wonders again. Yippee~ But SMART telecom is as usual - stupid! (oh, what irony~) ++