Ambushed

Recently, I've been asked this one question again and again by different people.

"Would you choose an accomplished man over one who is not?"

D'oh, any girl in their right mind would answer absolutely! Who wouldn't? But ah, if only life were that simple. You see, this is not a matter of answering yes or no. There is never only one side to a story. With every answer you give (be it in life or in your final written exam) comes another question, and another, and another.

"What if you were already engaged to another man?"

(If i had agreed to an engagement, chances are I've already fallen for him so hard there's no issue of me changing heart)

"What if he has nothing at all to offer?"

(Materially? No big deal, we'll work our way up together)

"What if someone better came along?"

(Better in what way? Be more specific please.)

What if? what if? what if?.....

Granted, answering to hypothetical questions is easy, because your answers bear no weight to your life at present. You could say anything noble and idealistic and you'd ace the exam. The tough part is having to actually answer these questions in reality, head on, where the answers you give affects your life one way or the other.

I know. Not as easy, eh?

I thought so too. At first. But then today during usrah, I came across this:

"And marry those among you who are single (i.e a man who has no wife and woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of his people)."

(An-Nur 24:32)

There you go. That answers the first part of the question: Accomplished or otherwise is but a small matter, for Allah will provide (It's really comforting finding answers in the Qur'an and As-Sunnah, right?). And as for the rest of those question, as long as his heart and Iman is strong and healthy, I'll be more than contented to follow his lead.

"Put your faith in Allah, for He is the best of planners."

I believe. Do you?

Obsession

Of course you make me happy, Seung Gi!!

^___^

Hehe. Okay, so this a fake post somewhat. I wanted to try out this animoto site i just discovered. And what better way than to use Seung Gi as my leading man. I got the video of him asking "will you marry me" (cute, right?) from youtube, and the pictures are courtesy of the world wide web. This took about 10 minutes to make, and the end result is amazing. I gotta say, technology is great!

Unsent letter

My dearest friend,

It's such a shame that when we parted ways, personal cell phones were still a thing of luxury. Neither one of us had those. But you promised me you'd always write. And you did, a number of times. I guess in a way, you kept your end of the promise. I just wonder why the letters stopped coming. I have written to you many many times since your last letter with no reply. So I am fairly safe in saying that i probably miss you a great deal more than you miss me.

At present, life goes on. I am still the awkward outcast i used to be. I don't get too close to people or let them into my world like i let you. I know what you're going to say. Every girl needs a best friend to share their secrets with. But I had you. Ahh, I should probably say 'have' you. Only I won't because that's suggesting we're still keeping in touch, and we're not. (Sigh~)

I wish you were here.

There are so many times when i feel tired and overwhelmed. And that's exactly when i remember you most. You, who used to allay my fears, comforted me, and made me feel like i could overcome any obstacle. It's funny, those days with you i used to see myself riding the waves of life like a professional surfer. Nowadays though, I constantly find myself being sucked into the depth of the crashing waves, spinning in torrents of salty water and gasping to catch my breath. And the worst part is that i have no one to throw me a lifeline. Well, no one like you, at least.

I'm curious. What have you been up to all this time? I imagine you're gliding at light-speed towards whichever one of those crazy dreams you used to tell me about. You were always a dreamer. Just like me. Ah, we made such a good pair, didn't we? It's funny how others didn't see that. They think we looked weird together, but we just laughed secretly behind their backs. They can't possibly understand the kind of connection we have.

You know what? Writing this feels like I'm talking to you. Just like old times. But it's also a painful reminder that it's nothing like talking to you at all. How I wish I had treated you better when i had the chance, so that you won't feel the need to avoid me like a plague the way you're doing right now. But then again, my life is currently such a mess you're probably better off not in it. See, I can be thoughtful too. Ha ha ha. (you're laughing, i know!)

Anyway, I've given some thought to our promise and have come to a decision. I will stop writing those letters to you. I cherished what we had, but i suppose it's time for me to move on, as you have.

So i guess, this is goodbye?

For good?

Creepy crawlers.

I think the owner of the halal place downstairs has a little crush on me.

It's either that or he's just plain creepy. I admit, I enjoy the attention, the discounts and the free food and drinks but that is about as far as i can tolerate his over 'friendliness'. When he started to broach the topic of marriage after just my 2nd stop at the place, my instinct says run Izzy, run! This guy is dangerous.

But you see, his is the only halal place in a 10km radius, and by the end of a long day at the hospital, i get mighty hungry for some real food instead of instant ramen. So even when my gut feeling says I shouldn't, I somehow still find myself going back there again.

Today, he asked for my email address.

"What for?" I asked him, with a slight tinge of laughter on the side so as not to make him think I'm being mean.

"For friends," he replied in his broken English. He looked so hopeful i just didn't have the heart to say no. So i gave him my email, my least used one, and he gave me his even though i didn't ask him for it.

"So what age do Malaysian girls marry?" he asked suddenly. Darn, again with the marriage questions.

"25 and beyond." i answered curtly. "Older than me anyway," hinting that this was not a topic i'm comfortable talking about with a random guy from a fast food outlet. I mean, for goodness sake, talk about the weather like a normal stranger will ya?

"And you, marry Malaysia or here?" he asked.

"I want to marry a Malaysian. It's easier," again hinting that I'm not interested. "By the way, this tea is really good." I tried to steer the conversation a different route.

"Yes thank u. So, you arrange marriage or love marriage?" His persistence with staying on this topic of marriage was absolutely astounding. And what the heck is love marriage anyway? I just figured he meant me choosing my own partner, so i said yes to that.

"And what guy you like?"

Definitely not you.

I almost said that aloud, but caught myself in time.

"Any decent guy," i answered instead. "Is my order ready by any chance?" At that point in time, i was getting tired of all his inappropriate questions. It had been close to half an hour since i ordered and I knew for a fact that it doesn't take that long to make a kebab.

"Oh yes yes." He handed me my kebab then, which i seriously suspect had been ready 15 minutes ago. But since he gave me a discount, i didn't complain.

"You must come again tomorrow, okay. And also Wednesday." he insisted after i paid up.

"I need to catch my bus home on Wednesday. So I dunno, maybe, if i have time."

"No no. You come here. I drive you. It's okay."

I couldn't help but laugh. Goodness, he must really like me huh?

"We'll see," i said as i walked out the door not looking back.

And just in case you're wondering, I have not the slightest intention of ever going back there again! Way way too creepy.

p/s: HAHAHA. I guess i still have the charm to make people swoon~~~~

Fly me home.

"Some random things i might take for granted at times"

Long weekends.

The peaceful serenity of quiet early mornings.

Great friends.

Stimulating conversations.

Pretty bracelets.

Loved ones.

Hot cocoa on a cold day.

Kind words.

I'm getting sentimental all of a sudden. Thing is, I'll be leaving for Mullingar on attachment this Sunday. I'll be alone in a unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people. A whole 2 weeks of unfamiliarity. Honestly, it scares me. Changes always scare me. I keep pestering Kelana asking him what's its like there. He's a darling for entertaining me and my endless questions but i bet he's gotten a bit annoyed with me by Friday.

I know i would.

Oh, how I wish i didn't have to go *sigh*