Unsent letter

My dearest friend,

It's such a shame that when we parted ways, personal cell phones were still a thing of luxury. Neither one of us had those. But you promised me you'd always write. And you did, a number of times. I guess in a way, you kept your end of the promise. I just wonder why the letters stopped coming. I have written to you many many times since your last letter with no reply. So I am fairly safe in saying that i probably miss you a great deal more than you miss me.

At present, life goes on. I am still the awkward outcast i used to be. I don't get too close to people or let them into my world like i let you. I know what you're going to say. Every girl needs a best friend to share their secrets with. But I had you. Ahh, I should probably say 'have' you. Only I won't because that's suggesting we're still keeping in touch, and we're not. (Sigh~)

I wish you were here.

There are so many times when i feel tired and overwhelmed. And that's exactly when i remember you most. You, who used to allay my fears, comforted me, and made me feel like i could overcome any obstacle. It's funny, those days with you i used to see myself riding the waves of life like a professional surfer. Nowadays though, I constantly find myself being sucked into the depth of the crashing waves, spinning in torrents of salty water and gasping to catch my breath. And the worst part is that i have no one to throw me a lifeline. Well, no one like you, at least.

I'm curious. What have you been up to all this time? I imagine you're gliding at light-speed towards whichever one of those crazy dreams you used to tell me about. You were always a dreamer. Just like me. Ah, we made such a good pair, didn't we? It's funny how others didn't see that. They think we looked weird together, but we just laughed secretly behind their backs. They can't possibly understand the kind of connection we have.

You know what? Writing this feels like I'm talking to you. Just like old times. But it's also a painful reminder that it's nothing like talking to you at all. How I wish I had treated you better when i had the chance, so that you won't feel the need to avoid me like a plague the way you're doing right now. But then again, my life is currently such a mess you're probably better off not in it. See, I can be thoughtful too. Ha ha ha. (you're laughing, i know!)

Anyway, I've given some thought to our promise and have come to a decision. I will stop writing those letters to you. I cherished what we had, but i suppose it's time for me to move on, as you have.

So i guess, this is goodbye?

For good?