ENT

As i sat at on the chair waiting for my turn, i could feel my palms sweating and my heart beating just a tad bit faster than usual. Breathe Izyan, i had to remind myself. For some odd reason i had this strong feeling that if i didn't consciously orchestrate my own breathing I'd forget to breathe altogether and I'd keel over and die before i could even sit for the exam. Not the worst of outcomes really. But then again, I wasn't about ready to give up just yet. So i kept telling myself to take those big gulps of air in, and slowly let them out.

In..... and out.

In..... and out.

As i was busy with my breathing symphony, the door suddenly swung open. K emerged with a stricken look plastered all over his face. "How did it go?" i asked. "It's easy if you studied everything." he deadpans as he zoomed towards the exit, still wearing that same awful look. What did he mean by that?

I was getting more nervous than ever.

By then, I've already forgotten about my struggle to breathe. I was more focused on trying not to cry. Wringing my hands nervously, I started praying instead. Dear God, give me the strength to get through this. I promise I'll be a good girl and never litter on the sidewalk ever again. That's when the examiner popped out of nowhere. He took one sweeping look at me and said "You look sad."

"Sorry?" I was taken quite off-guard by his statement.

"You look sad. Are you sad?" he asked.

"Oh not at all." because what i really was was scared out of my wits. But of course, i didn't tell him that. I wanted to make a good impression.

"Alright then. Come on in, we can get started."

The 15 minutes i was in there seemed like an eternity. Mr Lang had a reputation for being a hard ball when it comes to this merciless orals, and well, the rumors weren't very far from the truth. He was mean. He persisted with his questions even when it was obvious i was stuck for an answer. He dug and dug and dug until he got what he wanted.

"Tell me, what would you check in a 40 year old man who comes to you complaining of unilateral otitis media with effusion?" He asked at one point.

Ah, such an easy question! Lucky me. "I'll check his nasopharynx because there might be a chance he has nasopharyngeal carcinoma."

"Okay, what type of cancer is most common there?"

"Squamous cell carcinoma," I answered confidently.

"What other cancer can you get there?" He asked, not the slightest bit impressed that i could answer the earlier 2 questions without a hitch. But, gulp... I honestly didn't know the answer to this one. And even if I probably did, it just wasn't coming to me. So i figured, I might as well swing it.

"Errr.. adenocarcinoma?" I tried my luck.

"Wrong. Try again." He said, obviously unimpressed with my random answer.

"Ermm.. i'm not sure. Probably mixed squamo-adenocarcinoma?" (if such a thing even existed?)

"Wrong. What type of cell lines the nasopharynx?" I guess he's moved on to a different question now. But oh man, Mr Lang! That ain't helping one bit. Cos I DUNNO the answer to that question either! Might as well try my luck again.

"Errrrrrr... pseudostratified columnar ciliated epith... "

"No!" he cuts me off. "What's in the nasopharynx in children?"

"Adenoids?" Oh please let me be right this time.

"Okay," he said. Phew~ Guess I'm not totally helpless. "What are adenoids made of?"

"Lymphoid tissue," Yay! at last he's asking something i know.

"So what kind of cancer can you get there?"

"Lymphoma!"

"There you go!!" He said extending his right hand for a handshake.

"Oh, are we done?" But i still have so much more to say. We can't possibly be done yet. I still haven't impressed him with my depth of knowledge.

"We most definitely are. You can leave now."

Arghhh dang. He's gonna fail me. I could feel it in my bones. Tears were starting to well up dangerously at the edges of my eyes. I got up from my chair and walked to the door like a robot. This is bad. This is bad. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna have to repeat this subject. I'm not gonna be able to graduate with the rest of my classmates next year. The medical school is gonna kick me out of their programme. I'm gonna be a humiliation to everyone who knows me....

I can't let this end like this.

"I'm sorry Mr Lang. Before i leave, is it alright if I ask how I did?" I stammered nervously. I'm sure it was unethical for me to ask but i couldn't help myself.

He looked up at me, paused for a few seconds and said "You did horribly. Just horrible. Horrible!"

I swear i could feel my heart stopped beating. I was so shocked i couldn't even begin to plead for mercy like i had initially intended on doing when i shamelessly asked how i did. I was so shocked and lightheaded that I was sure i could topple over with a mere flick of the finger.

That's when he laughed and said, "I'm just kidding. You did alright. There's nothing to worry about." He gave me a solid pat on the back to emphasize his point.

"Really?" Relief flooded me like a tsunami wave.

"Yes, really. Now off you go."

I closed the door and exhaled deeply. Oh, I guess I had forgotten to breathe again.

They should really think about attaching warning labels to exams: Hazardous to health. Take in small doses. Overdose might be fatal.

(=___=")

I could..

... really use a good holiday right about now.

IRELAND WINTER TRIP (Dec 2008)

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM (Apr 2009)

BUDAPEST, HUNGARY (Dec 2009)

... some exercise would be a good distraction too.

I've been stuck in my room among piles of untouched notes and books for far too long. I'm at the verge of going crazy.

Architects

My mind wanders a lot when i study.

Right now, I'm flooded with memories from school, which a bit weird cos i never liked school. But really, it's not school that i'm reminiscing about per se. I'm actually thinking about a friend from school. He was a good friend. In fact, the only guy friend i was ever comfortable with at any point during my 5 years of imprisonment there.

I remember he wanted to become an architect. He'd sit quietly in his little corner in class, and sketched beautiful houses with flowery gardens. All the other boys thought he was a sissy. I thought he was cool.

"How about drawing a nice big house for me?" I asked him one day. "I want a house with lots of windows, and flowers all over."

He smiled, but said nothing.

A few days later, i got my big house - windows and flowers and all. At 15, when boys were more a nuisance that anything else, he showed me the sweetest gesture a friend could make. Of cos, being 15, i also never thought beyond my own little universe and never once did i make the effort to reciprocate his thoughtful gesture.

I really don't understand why I'm thinking about him so suddenly. I haven't heard from him since that night before the last day of school. When he told me he had something to give me and we promised to meet in the quiet corridors of our junior high class at 9pm. I remember as i was walking all the way to our meeting point i had imagined something dramatic - a heartfelt confession maybe (note: i knew he once had feelings for me) and i would then turn him down gently saying he was meant for someone better (read: i had a huge crush on someone else). Haha, 17 was a such silly age, thinking that life is always a drama.

Anyway, instead of a confession, i got a card, a goodbye and a goodluck. Which was alright too. I made him promise to keep in touch. And that when he become a successful architect, he'd have to make me a big house with lots of windows on top a hill with gardens and flowers and all things nice.


Promises.

I wonder if i'm the only one who remembers?


p/s: Ah, now i know why i suddenly thought about him. I've been watching the korean drama where the lead actor is an architect (Lee Min Ho *drools*) Tch. no wonder.

Today's kitchen talk:

Marriage, happiness, baby names.

...was what my friend wrote on her twitter.

I couldn't help but giggle at her seemingly innocent statement. You see, it's nothing new. Whenever girls our age get together, the topic of marriage always manage without fail to slip into the conversation. It's like magic. So i sent her a private message, more to humor her than anything else:

"It's funny how u girls have not exhausted those topics by now. We should be talking about cars, and sports and video games like real women!!" 

....to which i was effectively ignored.

Oh well. Truthfully, i too would rather talk about marriage. =P

Cursed.

I am notorious among my friends for my lack of a green thumb. Every tree, plant or flower I have tried to nourish in my life have time and time again died under my vigilant care. I mourn for each of these deaths. And then quickly move on to another. As they say, life must go on~~~

But today, i mourn yet again. This is a different kind of death (or deaths, to be more accurate). Today, following  his predecessor Shikamaru, my trusted YamaPi has gone to the land of no return.

Here's what happened:
In my valiant attempt to revive the dead Shikamaru, I decided to do an elective surgical procedure where YamaPi was chosen as the reluctant donor. The operation went smoothly for the first few screws that i took out. But this small success was not lost on me. I moved cautiously and carefully, afraid that any wrong move might be the one that ends everything. And i was lucky. I managed to reach YamaPi's delicate internal organs without any incident.

But all of a sudden, he crashed!!



I tried everything in my power to save him but no amount of resuscitation could bring him back to life. And at 9.55 am, April 16th 2010, YamaPi was officially declared dead. And worst thing is that i can't even figure out how to put everything stitch him back together again. =(

(Balong, you told me all this computer-repair thingy was easy!! Liar liar pants on fire!).

p/s: My newly-bought flower plant also died today, and to think i only got her a few days ago.

*I'm probably cursed. I urge everyone to keep your children as far away from me as possible. Lock your handsome lads at home. Beware of Izzy the plant killer!*   =__='

The wise man's fear

...is finally here!!!

Well, not quite actually. Another day to go till its release on bookshelves worldwide! Wee~ Come on, jump with me now! Oh gosh, I feel like an excited schoolgirl who's about to meet the guy of her dreams.


This is just so typical of me. I fall so completely in love with characters from books i read. I'm sure you all know i have a huge crush on Ender and his calm intelligence. Before that it was Kenshin Himura in all his sword-wielding greatness. And recently it's Kvothe, who is a little bit of both Ender and Kenshin Himura.


Oh, they are the candy that sweetens my dreary days. 
And I just can't get enough of them!


There is however, a downside to having crushes on fictional characters. It makes everyone in the real world pale in comparison. And thus, most people i see just don't seem good enough. My friends say my standards are just too high, which I'm pretty much inclined to disagree out of pure argumentative habit (though secretly I think so too). Oh well, I guess it's because i 'just haven't met you yet' (i'm hooked on this song by Micheal Buble).


Hmm.. I guess i should apologize. I'm a little scattered today as is obvious in my scattered entry. But it's hard to write a nice, clean, organised post when I'm distracted by thoughts of Kvothe. You see, it's been quite a while since anything exciting has knocked on my door. I do hope you understand ^^

53 is just a number.

Today is my dad's birthday. 

As is the case every year, he will beat me at texting first. 

"Salam all, 
happy birthday to me. Have a good and beneficial day today InsyaAllah. Thanks for your sincere doa. May Allah bless you all. 
Abah"

You see, my dad has a special relationship with his mobile phone. He takes her everywhere, all the time. Even makes my mom a bit jealous, i suspect. I don't particularly mind this special bond my dad has with his phone, for i too have a special relationship with mine (as any normal, healthy young person would). 

Fact is, i love it that my dad's so attune to his phone's needs. Because in being so, i learn a lot of things even though I'm a million miles away. For example, i know he landed on Malaysian soil approximately 4 hours ago after being in Cambodia for 5 days. And I also know that he's probably bored when he's texting me at an odd hour. I know the current exchange rate because i get another text about it. I know that he's worried about my sister in Jakarta because of the recent earthquake. I know that my brother still hasn't found his passport for September's trip. I know that the whole family is having a big dinner at my favorite restaurant (without me!).

I know a lot of things, and i love that.

But i especially love the fact that whenever i text back, I'll get an immediate reply. Always! Sometimes, if I'm lucky, even a phone call.

........

But not today.

"Happy birthday Abah!! Kngah doakan Abah always in the best of health and diberkati Allah dunia akhirat. My GP critically appraised my report today and said he was surprised at how good it was. Even asked me if i wrote it myself. Hahaha... of cos i did! So it's a really happy day for me on ur birthday. 

Luv u."

(This was 2 text long).... and he still hasn't replied.

I'm a little worried. =__='

Bleach

Introducing our special guest of the day, Miss Inoue Orihime from the anime/manga Bleach. Accompanying her on the humble pages of my diary is my favorite quote from Bleach. 

"Aren't you a lucky little kitty today?" 

I don't normally let people read my diary. In fact, i guard it with all my supergirl powers out of the grip of evil villains who try to snitch into my most personal thoughts. (Yes dear siblings, that would be all of you. Especially Achik!)
*get out of my room!*

Anyway, just so you know, I haven't sketched in a while and my skills are a bit rusty. This was just something i did for fun (i.e pencil, eraser, paper.. nothing fancy) in between my boring study sessions. So I would really appreciate it if people could refrain from giving bad comments. But as usual, praises and sighs of awe and admiration are always welcomed. =P

Thank u.

p/s: If you think I'm a little perverted for drawing her a size 32 DD, then you should flip through the manga cos that's exactly how she looks like.
*lucky girl!*

Final med 2011

I have this niggling suspicion that the medical school where I go to is conducting a mass research project to see how far the human endurance can stretch before a person starts going crazy. It's either that, or they just enjoy torturing us.

I mean, look at this calender! (pls scroll down) It's filled to brim; jam-packed to inhumane levels! I know i sound like a one-girl pity party but trust me, everyone in class is complaining one way or the other. No holidays, no study leave, exams, exams and more exams.

Really, if they plan on seeing each and every one of us die by the end of the course, they might as well just kill us now and get it over with. Why do they even bother coming up with such a complicated year plan? And then just to stir things up a bit, they tell us that 20 people from the class would be randomly selected to be sent to Sligo against our will, and at our own expense.

Hmphh. At the very least they should have shown some effort, however minor, to reimburse us for the trouble (Like other medical schools i know).  But NOOOOOOO.......

"We're NUI Galway.. we are descendants of a vampire clan. We only know how to suck blood and steal students' money. What is this you're talking about? Reimbursement? Is it food??"

Grrr... Yes, as you might have guessed by now, I am not a happy camper. In fact, i am so angry I feel like vandalizing the med school just before i leave for good next year. I have a few great plans already brewing in my devious mind.

You just wait you!

p/s: Please do not take my words literally. I have never vandalized anything in my life and don't plan on doing so in the near future. I'm just letting off some steam is all. ^^