The L word

"I love you," he says.

I love you too. I answered, almost by habit now. 

We've been married almost a year, and i have no doubt in my heart that he is the one.

Tonight though, I 'm suddenly reminded of a time when I refuse to reciprocate his words of affection. We had only started dating then. He'd tell me that he loved me and I was the only one for him. I'd smile, out of politeness, and tell him I fancied him too. I avoided using the L word, because it just didn't feel right. 

But he was a much more sensitive man than I first thought. 

"But do u love me?" He'd ask. 

hmm.. How do you tell a person that you like him, yet still unsure whether liking him was anything akin to love. 

I do like u. I repeat. 

"I know u like me. But do you love me?" He'd insist.

I usually just let the question linger for a bit before changing the subject. 

A few months later I did tell him I love him. More so because he kept insisting that I say it, and not because i was any clearer of my feelings.

I used the L word long before i was ready, i was using it before i even meant it.

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Tonight after our ritual nightly skype session.. He finishes off with his usual "I love u".

When did you realize u love me?  I don't know why I asked. I just felt like i needed to know.

"From the very beginning," he replied without hesitation.

When was that?

"Probably about a week after we met, when i first told u i loved you, remember?" 

You never ask me when I started loving u. I said.

It's true. He never seem to doubt all the 'I Love Yous' I've given him all this while. 

"I don't need to ask," he says. "I already know."

Really? This was interesting. When? I asked. 

"After we got married." he said without blinking.

That took me aback a bit. How did he know? I thought I hid it so well.
I was ashamed to admit that my sincerest ILY came only after we were finally hitched.
The fact that he knew, and never once brought it up or make me feel bad about it.....

...makes my heart skip a beat or two.

Here was a man who knew me to the deepest crevices of my heart; the darkest nook and crooks of my inner being, and yet still loves me unconditionally.

I must be the luckiest girl alive.

I want to shout from the highest peak of the world.

I LOVE YOU!! I REALLY TRULY DEEPLY LOVE YOU!




...and i mean it this time.