As special as you are.

Thomas is 4. He will be 5 in April. Recently i noticed that he gets upset over small things. I tried to sweep the fireplace. "No, only Daddy can do that". When i try hovering. "Only Daddy can do that." When i go to get the post he cries " only Daddy can do that." Poor Daddy!! Thomas is used to his routine, so anything out of the ordinary will cause him to break apart.

You see, Thomas isn't like other kids. He is special. He lives in a world I can't reach, and I live in a world he can't understand. I hug him and kiss him and love him everyday, every single minute, every ticking second. And even when i know he loves me too, he never kisses me or hugs me back.

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This was something expressed by a mother of a little autistic boy i saw today (albeit a little less dramatically that what i have written down). Thomas, or Tom as his well-trained teachers call him, is a little ray of sunshine with his honey blonde hair and big blue eyes. Physically, he is the perfect little boy. But even from the onset, you could already sense there was something different about him.

He avoids eye contact. He speaks only when prompted, and even then never more than a few simple words. But the thing that struck me most was that in the presence of a big crowd of medical students in his classroom - complete strangers to him - he went about his activities without even the slightest indication that he notices we were there. Such is the lack of social interaction in autism!

For someone totally unrelated to him like me, this was nothing major. The kid ignores me. He does not acknowledge my presence. To him I'm merely another innate object, like another brick on a brick wall. But so what? My female ego gets a little bruised, but I'll get over it.

However, it's a different situation for the mother. I can't even begin to imagine what she must feel, not being acknowledged by her own flesh and blood.

There he was, her little bundle of joy - playing by himself, not the tiniest bit interested that she has come to pick him up from school. Does he love her as much as she loves him? Even when she believes he does, i'm pretty sure deep down in her heart she sometimes still wonders. It's only natural, right? As Thomas isn't capable of expressing love the way we do. He does not grasp the concept of human emotions like you and I. And thus we may find it hard to communicate with him, or break through his almost stoic exterior.

But in the words of Thomas' mother: "I am his voice. And he is my heart."

Point is, a mother will love her child no matter.

So anyway, I hope it's not too late to express appreciation to my own Mother.

"Mommy, thank you for giving birth to me 24 years ago today. Thank you for all your love. Thank you for all that you've given me. Thank you. I love you (oh yeah, Abah too!). Hugs and kisses. Muah~"

p/s: Yes, it's my birthday today. A big, heartfelt thank you to everyone for all the birthday cards I didn't get. I'm sure they got lost somewhere in the mail. Don't worry, this happens every year. @__@