What's going on?

Anyone who has known grief, would probably agree that grief comes in uncontrollable waves. And grief waxes and wanes like the ever changing phases of the moon. One minute you might be completely okay and the other you might be overwhelmed with an immense, crippling sadness.

I know first hand what grief feels like. It's a deep dark hole that you fall into and see no way out of. At least not in that particular moment in time when grief decides to hold you in its tight embrace.

One time, not so long ago, grief descended on me on a particularly hard day when everything else around me was also going south. This was when i found out i was losing my job; when the kids would not stop fighting; when someone i thought i loved treated me like an unimportant afterthought he could dismiss and ignore; when it felt like my whole world was crumbling down.

I remember just lying down in bed. Feeling utterly defeated.

Then the tears came. It felt like a dam had broken. Big large sobs of anguish; of pain; of grief; of sadness; of frustration falling like a steady waterfall down my face.

I sobbed.
And sobbed...
and sobbed....

And then....

I felt little fingers wiping my cheeks.

"Ibu, are you okay?". My little thoughtful girl, worried about me.

That just made me cry even harder.

So she started singing.

"Hey, what's going on,
tell me what's wrong,
I know there's something we can do!
It might not be clear,
That's why I'm here,
Tell me what's bothering you!
Got something on you mind?
Don;t you keep it inside..
You're gonna be fine!
Hey, tell me what's wrong,
What's going on?"

Suddenly, it felt like our roles had changed. I was the mother, I was the one who was supposed to comfort my baby girl. Yet on that day, her little singing was comforting me.

And somehow, it worked like magic. My grief was lifted, and the world didn't feel like a cruel unfair place anymore. How could it be? I had my baby girl. My thoughtful, beautiful, baby girl.

And i knew.

As long as i had her, everything would be okay.