Nemesis

I'm seething with anger as I am typing this.

My head hurts; My mouth feels coppery with the unmistakable taste of annoyance; And my eyes sting with what i can only suspect to be the start of angry tears.

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It's not a secret that we can't stand each other's presence.

I feel he is guilty of making generalized, sweeping judgements of me without getting to know me first; that he has fallen very deep into that unforgiving trap of poorly concluded first impressions.

A grave crime indeed!

And yet, at the same time I am also acutely aware that I am as guilty as he is of the same crimes i accuse him of.

I can still distinctly remember taking that one long look at his air of confidence, his expensive clothes, and detecting his lilting American accent when we first met 3 years ago. I decided quite promptly that he was a spoilt, rich brat who would shower his dad's money around on the ladies and smooth-talk them into becoming his pets.

He probably also took one swift look at me and decided just as quickly that I was nothing more than another typical, conservative, boring Malay girl with a typical closed-minded view of the world; every bit unworthy of his precious time and wealth.

What we both failed to realize in these 3 years is that it wasn't our differences that kept biting the back of our throats like a sore ulcer, it's our similarities! We're just too proud, too egotistical, too headstrong, too similar in too many ways that it has become extremely hard for us to get along in a civil manner.

But even with this open hostility between us, I used to find some small comfort in knowing that he won't be so petty as to go around spreading false stories about me like wildfire behind my back. I believed he wasn't that kind of guy. Hating each other as much as we do, we're still friends (somewhat). And friends don't stab each other in the back (especially not with mutual friends as partners in crime).

That's what i believed.

Until just recently when that simple truth that gives me what little comfort it can has come crashing down on me like a tide of tsunami waves.

He has done the unforgivable! The inexcusable!

He has done the one thing that has kept me from hating him with a vengeance. He has broken that chain of fake civility which has held us animatedly suspended in an unsteady balance between good and evil, friends and foes for the longest of times. He has shaken the very core of our already shaky friendship.

With that, I fall freely into an abyss of unsuppressed hatred and loathing and he will now be my eternal nemesis, forever bound to my cruelty.

So there.

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I am aware of all the contradictions embodied in my writing tonight.

But you probably don't, so it doesn't matter.

p/s: I don't really hate him. I'm just sad that he hates me. ='(