[I'm not in a good mood. I have this urgent need to call my parents right now and talk to them about little nothings that bug me and feel loved and cherished, but it's 1am in Malaysia, they're most probably asleep. So pls, read this and hear my pain.]
Today was supposed to be a good day. There was to be an AGM of sorts in the morning followed by our annual Sambutan Raya Galway. But it turned out hideously wrong for me when someone [out of the blue] nominated yours truly for the vice president post of MYS [why oh why did you do that????], and sh*t [pls excuse my french].... I actually won! You could say i'm a reluctant winner. A very very reluctant one.
You see, after almost 3 years in Galway, I'm pretty set in my ways. "Lengai" was how Te'ah described me [I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not]. All i know is that I'm happy just living my introverted life of social seclusion. Why must they force this upon me?? And vice president no less. Ergghhh.. can't they see i'm no leader? A rebellious follower maybe, but never a leader.
Huhuhu... There goes my daily slot for anime watching. There goes my extra hour of snoozing. There goes my time browsing DBSK fansites. (T.T) ~
You may argue that i could have turned down the position. Well, surprise surprise... i couldn't!! How do you go about telling one big group of people in the community you live in that you don't want a certain position because you're too scared and lazy to leave the familiar warmth of your comfort zone. How do you do that without having to face their judgmental stares; without having them lose trust in you. Simple, you can't. [I can't!!]
And I can't even use that line a lot have been using of late: "i can't do this because of academic reasons". It's no use, they know my student ID no. They would know I'm lying. Honestly, this is stressing me out. Not only am i now burdened with that extra set of responsibilities, but I'm also forced to work with the likes of a certain eccentric I'd rather avoid. [But that's a story for another day]
Truthfully, it's the word "amanah" that's bearing down heavily on me right now. I feel suffocated just hearing the word. You see, i don't take these sort of things lightly. I remember reading somewhere about the 'dosa' of not fulfilling a duty or responsibility you've been entrusted to. And to me, an amanah given to you is as big a responsibility as it gets. [housemates, if you've been wondering why i'm always reluctant to be the Imam during prayers.. this is the reason why!]
Oh well, Saidina Umar was a reluctant Khalifah at first too [if i'm not mistaken]. But he brought so much to Islam in the end. If i can only strive to become like him, then maybe, just maybe... things will work out fine [i hope].
Allah knows best.
12 comments:
Lengai is a rare choice of word. She must've really meant it when she described you that way.
Before its too late, CONGRATULATIONS.
They chose you not because they want to escape from the responsibility, but because they believed in you. You should be honored by that gesture alone.
Let's say along the line you F'ed up, they can't blame you for that. They should be kicking themselves for voting you.
So Izzy, ditch all the anime, it's time to grow up and face the world like you were destined to be. Good luck.
Cmon Izzy, I know you can do it...
Thanx for the vote of confidence, guys. I needed that.
sis... look at the positive side. this is a chance for you to show your capability. u dun know whether u're capable or not until u do it.
maybe at the end of the day, u'll realize that u can do far beyond what u could imagine and when the time comes, u will be thankful to those who voted you...
aeropama, nicely put!
Aeropama dot com, I don't wanna sound like a whining pessimist, but that's easier said than done.
I'll still gv it my best tho. =)
blasah je izzy... i know what it means working with big people as you move up the ladder.. its just bigger responsibilities.
which is why i hate promotions to some extent..
hahaha.. 'blasah je' is exactly what i plan on doing. And y'know what, that's the best advice yet. LOL. thnx!
p/s: the big guy (ie president) is already getting on my nerves.. and to think it hasnt even been a week since i got this job. =__= (haissshh... sabar izzy, sabar.)
KJ, sory I had been busy over the weekend. this was one big thing! Having to carry bigger/excess responsibilities is not ur cup of tea I think. Haha. Or maybe it's not my cup of tea. Whatever lah kan. But since I may not good with words, all I got to say is try to put the pressure low and do ur best in anyway possible. Delegate ur work so that u don't have to carry all the burden by urself. And as my favourite author likes to put it, sukalah apa yang disukakan Allah untukmu. InsyaAllah, u'll be fine :)
yep, not my cup of tea at all. It's that obvious, eh? I guess i was 'lengai' masa kat skolah jugak, huh?... hehe.. ^__^
And you may not know this, but i've actually carried similar responsibilities before and well, it wasn't the end of the world.
I'm just very frustrated because I had plans of breezing thru the rest of my college life without having to worry about anything other than getting my degree. (and who knows, maybe get first class honors while i'm at it.. amin~)
Oh well, i'm just gonna think of this as another stepping stone towards self-improvement. [I have to learn to grow up sooner or later, ne?]
As u stroll along life, this is one of some big things that u have to go through, whether u like it or not.
In some other people's shoes, they did carry similar task, it's just that it came in different way than yours. Everybody has their own big responsibility. A friend of mine has to struggle with her beloved dad's passing while completing a degree abroad. And in a similar case, a friend also had to postpone his marriage for the sake of his younger siblings and his unemployed mom.
And yes, take it as I-am-still-lucky-to-have-all-the-support-I-need-from-my-family-and-friends.
First class honors? Go for it girl! :)
p/s: 'lengai' during school days ah? i have a long term memory loss lah! *wink*
[don't worry. ur secret is save with me :P]
Oh, i'm v sure ALL my deepest secrets are safe with you. [tho i honestly haven't a clue what secret u're talking about]
Thanks all the same dear. you're a good friend. =)
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