By the night when it darkens~

[[This entry may seem a bit different from my normal style of writing. But it’s something I MUST write and I hope you will read and understand the need for this particular entry.]]

Last night we had another sitting. I’ve got to be truthful, I had a very long day, was super-tired and had thoughts of skipping the whole thing altogether. In fact, I even prayed it’ll get cancelled or possibly postponed. And I’m very glad it didn’t, for in this sitting, I found something incredibly wonderful I can’t help but write about it.

We had a discussion on the Surah Ad-Dhuha. Nothing obviously interesting about that eh? That was exactly what i thought at first too. But then what struck me as unbelievably astonishing throughout the sitting is how I’ve memorized this surah almost all my life; how I’ve recited it countless times; and yet I have never found the time to really sit down and understand its meanings. Oh, and what a loss on my part. The words of Allah are indeed beautiful.

This, in particular touched me in ways I can’t even describe:

“Your Lord has neither forsaken you nor hates you. And indeed the hereafter is better for you than the present (life of this world). And verily, your Lord will give you (all good) so that you shall be well-pleased.”

(Ad-Dhuha 93:3-5)

It kinda reminded me of this Hadith:

On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said: Allah the Almighty said:

"I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed."

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).

The beauty of both of them is that whenever I read either one, I feel such an overpowering sense of peace and love from His compassion and mercy. At the same time, I also feel extreme sadness and a deep sense of loss that as His mere servant, I am so arrogant, selfish and so ungrateful. It is not enough that I wear the hijab; that I pray 5 times a day; that I fast when I have to. I see now that all these I did without any sense of comprehension; with just the pressure of community making me submit to what I realize now as Islam by culture and name alone. I can’t believe I’ve wasted 22 years on earth without really understanding the true beauty that is Islam.

Anyway, I’m not gonna elaborate on this any further cos it’s really hard to put into words the things I’m feeling at this very moment and make other ppl feel the same way. I’m afraid anything else I write will just sound like senseless preaching.

The only take home message I hope ppl will get out of this is that:

We are servants; HIS servants; and that is the only one and true purpose of the life in this world.

“O Allah, make me rich with knowledge; adorn me with the serene soul; make me noble with piety; and beautify me with afiat"